Don Draper, the iconic ad man from the hit TV show "Mad Men," is often seen as the epitome of confidence. But what most people don't realize is that confidence actually comes in two flavors: external confidence and internal confidence. In this article, we'll be analyzing what Don can teach us about both levels of confidence and how mastering each level can take you from being nervous to completely confident in any situation.
External confidence is the way that you project yourself to others. It's the way that you walk, talk, and carry yourself. It's the first thing people notice about you, and it has a significant impact on how they see you. Body Language: Don Draper has a relaxed body language that is interesting to observe. He sits asymmetrically and spreads himself out comfortably, which actually causes others to relax as well. He also moves freely around most environments, signaling a sense of comfort and ownership wherever he is. When standing, he keeps his feet shoulder-width apart and leans with his arm draped over a chair in a way that doesn't prevent someone else from sitting there. These small body language cues go a long way toward projecting confidence. Eye Contact: Don Draper is aloof and makes limited eye contact at the beginning of many interactions, almost disinterested in what is being said. This signals that others need to work for his attention, which makes them want to win his attention. However, when he is making his key points, he hones in with narrow, piercing eyes to keep people captivated and show confidence in the words he is speaking.
Internal confidence is the way that you feel inside. It's how comfortable you are in any given situation. It's much harder to fake than external confidence because our emotions often get the best of us in high-stress situations. Non-Reactivity: Don Draper is a master at not reacting to situations. This is something we talked about in our video with James Bond as well. He doesn't fidget and remains calm and collected, even in the most stressful situations. When you can remain nonreactive, it shows that you're not pressured by what's happening around you, and that makes you come across as more powerful. Not Trying to Convince Others: Don Draper makes many of his sales by not badgering clients and instead framing himself as an equal partner in a negotiation. He's screening them as much as they are screening him. Being persuasive generally is very different from trying to convince any specific person. When you walk away if it's not reciprocated, you show that you're not needy and desperate for approval.
The Deepest Layer of Confidence
The deepest layer of confidence is the belief that no matter what, you will be okay. When you've internalized this confidence, it comes easy. Living Your Truth: Don Draper shows this by being honest, no matter what. He tells the truth even if it loses him a client or makes him feel weak. When you live your truth, believing that you're going to be okay no matter what, you won't stay feeling weak for long. You'll stop feeling like you always need to say the right thing and you'll stop worrying that someone else might reject you because you know that you will never reject yourself. In conclusion, Don Draper teaches us that confidence comes in two flavors: external and internal. By dominating each degree of certainty, you can take yourself from being apprehensive to totally sure about any circumstance. Outer certainty includes non-verbal communication and eye to eye connection, while inward certainty includes non-reactivity and making an effort not to persuade others.
Continuing on toward the following layer of certainty, we have non-reactivity. This is where things get a piece trickier on the grounds that it includes controlling your feelings and resisting the urge to panic in high-stress circumstances. Wear is an expert at this, and it's one reason he's a particularly fruitful promotion man. He generally keeps calm under pressure and doesn't permit his feelings to get the better of him. This is the kind of thing we discussed in our video on James Bond's non-verbal communication, and it's something unquestionably significant for anybody hoping to radiate certainty. Being non-responsive shows that you are accountable for the circumstance and are not influenced by what is happening around you. This makes you come across as more powerful and in charge. For instance, when two men hit on Don's wife in Rome, he calmly role-plays that he doesn't even know her. Contrast that with their insecure overreactions to him, and it's clear who's the more confident person in that situation. Additionally, when things go wrong, Don remains silent and composed, buying himself valuable time to think without exposing himself as someone who is totally confused and lost.
Not Trying to Convince
The fourth layer of confidence is about not trying to convince other people. This might sound counterintuitive, especially when you think of Don Draper as a salesman who's all about persuasion. But being persuasive is very different from trying to convince a specific person. Paradoxically, Don makes many of his sales by not badgering clients and instead framing himself as an equal partner in a negotiation. He's screening them as much as they are screening him. This is effective because one of the ways we determine if we want to associate with anyone, is by how much they seem to want and need us. We like people who are interested in us, but not too much. It's much better to share your interest, whether it's with a date or client, but to walk away if it's not reciprocated. If you walk away in an emotional huff, you're not signaling confidence or power. You're signaling petulance, and that makes other people just glad to be rid of you.
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No Matter What, You Will Be Okay
Finally, we come to the deepest layer of confidence, which is the belief that no matter what, you will be okay. When you've internalized this belief, confidence comes easy. It's not about always looking cool or always saying the right thing, and it's not even about getting other people to respond to you in a favorable way. It's about living your life, at least socially, like you will be okay no matter what. This implies that you can come clean, regardless of whether it loses you a client. You can come clean, regardless of whether it causes you to feel feeble. Since when you experience reality, accepting that you will be alright regardless, you won't remain feeling feeble for a really long time. All things considered, you'll quit feeling like you generally need to say the proper thing, and you'll quit stressing that another person could dismiss you, since you realize that you won't ever dismiss yourself. At the point when you consolidate this profound inner certainty with the capacity to project outside certainty, each association becomes simpler and more tomfoolery, and you might start to try and anticipate the circumstances that recently worried you. All in all, there's a great deal that we can gain from Wear Draper with regards to talking with certainty. By dissecting his non-verbal communication and conduct, we can see that certainty comes in many structures, including outside projection, inside feeling, non-reactivity, making an effort not to persuade others, and a profound conviction that regardless, you will be OK. By dominating every one of these layers, we can take our certainty to a higher level and become more fruitful in our own and proficient lives.