Tom Hardy, a renowned British actor, has overcome social anxiety to become an icon in the entertainment industry. He is known for his effortless charisma and confidence, which is unusual given that he doesn't always follow conventional advice on body language. Instead, he reclines and fidgets during conversations club, things many people are taught not to do. However, Tom Hardy has a few core mindsets that can make anyone more confident in almost any social situation. These mindsets enable him to project a "confident, I don't give a damn" attitude that draws people to him. This article will explore some of Tom Hardy's core mindsets that can help you become more confident.
Be Willing to Polarise
One of the things that help Tom Hardy go into any conversation with confidence is that he isn't trying to make the whole world like him. He's willing to polarize. He understands that not everyone will like him, and that's okay. For instance, he was questioned about what kind of snack he would be during an interview. He replied, "Sorry, more of a Twiglet. How about that? A bag of Twiglets. You would be a bag of...?" When the interviewer struggled to come up with a word, Tom interrupted, saying, "It doesn't matter. You love me, or you hate me. Either way, I'm a bag of Twiglets. I don't know anyone." This mindset frees you to make a strong impression rather than no impression.
Of course, getting comfortable with polarizing is a process. However, one habit that will help you get used to polarizing people and build more confidence is allowing yourself to have authentic reactions to other people. The average person's internal dialogue is, "I hope this person likes me." Part of Tom's confidence comes from doing the opposite. He's there to see if he likes you. You can hear this in his wildly different reactions to interviewers based on how they act and what they ask him. By reacting authentically, you're messaging to yourself that you're good as you are and don't need to hide parts of yourself to be acceptable to others.
Unfortunately, while most people can be authentic with their friends, they lose that authenticity when talking to someone they want to impress. Suddenly, they'll awkwardly laugh at bad jokes, pretend a boring conversation is a little too fascinating, and even smile while being insulted or talked down to. That happens when your internal dialogue is, "I hope this person likes me." Next time you have a conversation that makes you nervous, purposefully shift that inner nerve to something like, "I'm excited to see if I like them." You'll feel more confident once you stop treating conversations like a one-sided tryout.
If this seems daunting, there's a more straightforward first step you can take to help you build more confidence: Stop trying to look flawless. Tom Hardy admits his fear, even in interviews. During an interview, he was asked why he's always playing dark, psychotic characters. Tom had the opportunity to come off as excellent or challenging, but instead, he said, "I think it's because I know what frightens me, do you mean? I have a lot of tender spots, which is why I have so many tattoos and everything. It's because I'm scared of everything." Direct candour and acandouritting things most people would try to hide have two good outcomes for you. People are drawn to authenticity because they can tell when you're not attempting to pretend to be someone or something you're not.
Prioritise Your Own Comfort
Moving on, the third core mindset that Tom Hardy has is the ability to prioritize his comfort. Most anxious people go into social situations trying not to attract attention. Therefore, they will strive to do what they believe is expected of them rather than acting in a way that makes them feel good or makes them stand out in a positive way. Ironically, having this mindset of fitting in and doing what everyone else does makes you uneasy since you are constantly doubting your actions.
For another example, you may remember Tom Hardy had a small viral moment while promoting the movie "The Revenant." He started eating mid-interview while Leonardo DiCaprio was trying to answer a question. Some people loved this moment for highlighting Tom's "I don't give a" attitude - he was hungry, so he ate. People are drawn to those who exude self-assurance. Prioritizing your comfort shows you aren't focused solely on getting other people's approval.
If you only saw a few seconds of it, you might think Leo and the interviewer were upset with Tom for being rude. But it played out friendly, as Tom was already snacking on the smoked chocolate chips. "How are they?" the interviewer asked. "Let me try. This is good," Tom replied. "They're good, aren't they? They taste like a campfire."
This is often the case when you're nervous in social situations - these fears rarely come true, but they hold you back from enjoying yourself or forming new relationships. There is a lot more to being confident than just what we've discussed, whether you want to be confident because you want a new mentor, more friends, or more dates. You need to know how to strike up a conversation, hold their interest in the early going so they want to find out more about you, and then develop an authentic relationship so they want to meet you again.
In conclusion, Tom Hardy's charisma is not just a result of his physical appearance or body language but also his mindset and approach to social situations. His willingness to polarize and prioritize authenticity and comfort contributes to his confidence and ability to connect with others.
Adopting these mindsets can make anyone more confident and charismatic in social situations. It's crucial to keep in mind that this is a process, and gaining confidence requires patience and repetition. But by focusing on being comfortable with who we are, we can connect with others on a deeper level and build more meaningful relationships.
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